I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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