My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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