What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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