I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
