between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
