Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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