I showed him my bush... on skype.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
