Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
