Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
