There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
