Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
