I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
