btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
When are your genitals available?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
