So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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