I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
