I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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