in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
