Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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