i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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