Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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