I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
