i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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