You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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