Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
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I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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