we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
