JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
