I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
