OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
My first STD was from a foam party
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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