How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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