Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
