I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
