I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
