Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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