Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
