Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
