Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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