i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
