You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
