Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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