So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
that may or may not have been my penis.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
