I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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