Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
