Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
