i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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