Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
