Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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