Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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