I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
