I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
