I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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