Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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