so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
