Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
soo... how was my night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
