first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
