stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
