He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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