just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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