You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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