There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
