Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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