In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Randomize
