nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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