I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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