I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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