Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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