the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
false alarm, still single
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