her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im six kinds of drunk right now
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
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I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
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For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize